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In light of what happened in Boston this past week, we need to see what one needs to do to make sure that we are safe.
Both victims in Boston advertised on Craigslist.
They ran incall.
They worked late nights.
There was a security hole in their operation. Either they did not screen, or their methods were not up to par.
I need suggestions, I need feedback. But make sure that you don’t stop with… don’t advertise on craigslist.
Craigslist is not the issue.
The same psycho could have used outcall.net…
It is not the advertising method, it is your method that is going to make or break you.
How do you word your ad.
How do you listen to the soul of the prospect
How do you word your answers. Are you winging it?
What are your hours?
What information you require for a booking.
I am sure I would not have seen that guy. I don’t know anything beyond his appearance, but that would have been enough for me not to open the door…
Just because you made an appointment, you don’t need to see the prospect. The last leg of the screening is how they look in front of your door! What their knocking on the door sounds like? What do you feel as you are standing at the door listening to their footsteps from the elevator to your door… are you confident, calm, or do you feel any level of anxiety?
You see, if the energy of a future attacker doesn’t get to you, then you should get out of this business! Then you are not feeling anything, and you are not safe!
– Bostonist has been known to read the Craigslist personals and erotic services ads for amusement—a lurid and sometimes hilarious glimpse at a semi-private underworld. But we rarely consider, in concrete terms, the plight of sex workers. More details were released today regarding Tuesday’s murder of a Craigslist masseuse operating out of the Copley Marriott that give us an insight into at least one tragic story.
The victim was Julissa Brisman, a 26-year-old New Yorker who was a part time model and actress. She was a recovering alcoholic. She had trouble paying her bills. Friends say she was skinny, maybe too skinny; witnesses thought that she was a girl when they found her murdered body. She was shot to death after a struggle during which somebody, probably her killer, tried to tie her up with plastic ties. Her friends thought she had left the grey world of escorting behind her.
Boston’s newspapers are running details like this because they get pageviews. Search traffic is bringing hordes of readers to Bostonist and other websites because the story of a 26-year-old white New Yorker murdered in an upscale hotel activates some basic, human voyeuristic impulse—the same impulse that makes reading Craigslist ads so titillating. But the reality is that Brisman’s death, no doubt tragic, is just the worst case scenario for a Boston sex worker. Brisman’s murder was linked to an earlier robbery at the Westin Copley, and cops investigating the case have opened a flood gate of unreported robberies among Boston’s escorts. It happens all the time.
Violence against women, which goes unreported even within marriages and other legal relationships, is a daily reality for sex workers and one that they can do little to combat. If Brisman’s death does nothing else—and we want her killer brought to swift justice—it should serve as a reminder of the perils of sex work and how little we do to protect people like Julissa Brisman from harm.
2 responses so far ↓
1 Miss Anonymous // Apr 17, 2009 at 1:54 am
Sorry this is so long Sophie… It may help though.
OK You asked to post if we had ideas on this subject. So this is my response to your latest blog darling. ( I love your blogspot BTW. Always informative and interesting.) It also seems that Sophie is great to the women in the industry and not a greed monger and has a heart! Keep it up:-)
So back to this latest entry. It is tragic. It is sad. It is despicable. It is unfortunate that in this point in history men are still killing women. “Working girls” still have to worry about this and always will. Unfortunately it is part of our career choice. Some get danger pay and some do not. It reflects in their fees.
As to what one can do to prevent this. Let me first inform all of you that I have been doing this for 22 years. Yes twenty two. I know I know you must all think I must look so old. No I do not. I actually look about 26. And in some ways this is a very valid point to safety. How you ask?
Well, we must ALWAYS take care of ourselves. In every way! Emotionally, physically, and mentally. No one else will. And if I am not mistaken we are in this profession more than likely because we were never taken care of as children or at some point in our life and chose this as a form of taking care of ourselves.
1) That means when you are tired. GO HOME! Shut down the phones. You need money and can’t pay the bills? I don’t care. Go home call it a day. Take two if you have to. Your regulars will thank you. No one wants a tired cranky woman. And even more importantly, you will less likely make an error in judgment. Your senses are alert when refreshed and well rested. Also note that you cannot pay that bill if you are dead. Think of it this way? Phone bill, mortgage payment or my life? I choose life. My clients respect me for taking care of myself. They respect me for being honest and telling them I really have to get my beauty sleep and would rather they have patience and book for the following day, because I don’t want them to come in only to be disappointed because I was tired. They usually respect my honesty for it and pre book for the next day!
2) Screen screen screen. So they do not want to give you their info? Yes some clients are nervous. And they have every right to be nervous just as you are. But if they are truly a gentleman and respect the service you provide they will understand and allow your screening process. It is your job to keep that info private. I have one process that is very effective and thorough yet as non evasive as I can for them. They don’t pass it they don’t come. Simple. What is your method? Use it!
I usually don’t have a problem. Maybe it is the way I speak or the energy I send out but they realize I am respectful of their concerns, but I am firm in my screening. EX: Today I had two call me and neither wanted to verify with me. I explained nicely that it is the only way they could come to me.
I explained that they were coming into my home and I want to know I am safe. And that my location stays safe also for my regular clients that I see. I then proceeded to say you can always think about it and call me back if you decide, because there is no need for me to twist your arm, and you being uncomfortable. I tell them that it is my rule that we both always be comfortable or there is no point. Did they book? No. One may call back as some do change their mind. Long story short, I was also having money problems in a major way. ( vet bills)But I did not give in. Low and behold I had a gentleman call me and verify no problem. He also gave me a tip when he left.
3) Don’t be greedy. If you have had your usual amount you allow per day/week do NOT say just one more because you have made so much and if only one more you could have…. Another way that lets your guard down. I don’t know why. But it is true. Always be thankful with what you have been given. I am a spiritual person and believe we will all be taken care of if we just stop worrying. Not to get religious on anyone.. But the bible says in one part.. I take care of even the tiniest sparrow so why would I not take care of you? I always remember that when things are bad. And you know what? I am always taken care of. No matter what belief system you have? Use it and have faith.
4) LISTEN to your intuition. Never underestimate it. EVER! It will never fail you. It may be something as simple as the tone of his voice when he said something over the phone. Whatever it is listen and walk away. ( end the phone call politely) Hide the fact that you are uncomfortable with him or he may catch on and try another way down the road with an even bigger vendetta.
5) I know some girls in the biz have addictions. Sad but I don’t make your decisions for you. Maybe one day you can find the strength to leave them behind and love yourself the way you need in order to quit. But if you don’t think you can? DON’T partake while working. EVER! You are not aware, alert, nor can you defend yourself, feel your intuition, and in many cases men will look down on you and see it as a reason to treat you like garbage. Which, can escalate at any time in your session
I used to tell my friend this years ago… She always agreed but never did follow it. One day I lost that friend. She was murdered. I had to hear all the details. And I can only imagine the fear she had to live with and sadness she had before he ended her life in such a brutal way. All those days sober to realize she made an error in judgment that she wouldn’t have is she was sober to begin with. The police said she was held captive for almost two weeks before he killed her. I lost another friend in a similar way. Years later. I still think of them today and remember how they made me laugh and the friendship we had that was cut short because of one simple mistake.
So always always take care of yourselves. Mentally, spiritually, emotionally. If you don’t no one else will. And if you do. Nine times out of ten someone will have a higher chance of wanting to truly love you and take care of you if they see you love yourself…
Until then always rest, screen, have faith and with those it will up the odds of having another day live, love, and learn.
Be Safe
Miss Anonymous
XOXO
PS. if you have concerns you can always use the buddy system with a friend and check in and out with each other. NOthing is fool proof but all add up.
2 Sophie // Apr 18, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Hello guys. I have gotten a lot of comments in emails, so I’ll post them here, so everyone can benefit in the added brain power…
Dear Sophie: I read your article on screening clients. I concur with everything you said. Girls really need to follow through with proper screening to avoid problems. I look forward to reading more great articles. Take care. Maxine Vega…….
Hi Sophie~ Yes that is a terrible thing that happenened to the girl in NY. And it doesnt matter where the guy called her from, im sure if she is like most of us we have more than one ad on the internet. I think you have some greaat ideas especially the boyfriend one. I personally DO not have time to spend on 1 boyfriend. When I am in a relationship I like to give it my all, so I ve chose to not have a boyfriend right now. i spend way too much time on my business trying to run it properly which includes screening. Sometimes i have seen guys tho when the person I tried to get ahold of wont answer my email or phone call. And I have not had any trouble. IF I feel UNEASY about our initial phone call or email I will NOT have the date even if his reference checked out. I only see mature men over 40 because Ive found that they respect me more. Thats just MY opinion. I will not see anyone after 11 pm either. Ive never known of anything good going on out there from midnight – 8 am.
Thank you for your blogs and for letting me be on your website I have had several really good dates from outcall.net and have made some good repeat clients who now I consider friends. Luv & respect DeeDeeinAZ
Hi. Just read all that info on that blog. WOW! How scary ? I am [planning to be on tour in Milwaukee second week of may. I really do not have any luck but the trafic that I get on Craigs . That gets me the most business. I have to pay bills and feed my family. (Yes i understand the concept of if I am dead I wont be able to feed them at all). I am not really not getting much traffic off nothing but Craigs. GRRR My marketing skills are shit and get not hardley nothing off any other site. What do you suggest about this? Please help me ASAP. I am also a women of faith as I beliive simliar things. I am not greedy. God does not like GREED. When I have made enough I stop and go to bed. If I am havving a bad day in my personal life I call it a day . Cause i no I am upset,depressed and emotional so my judgment will not be so good . I dont no what to do about this Craigs issue epically when I am out of town. Grrrrrrrrrrr ! Another good thing is I always stay in upscale downtown hotels . I am registered there and there is many camera’s . I do not suppose that makes a difference cause if he is a pshco any ways he not going to give a shit. Grrrrrrrrr suggestions pLEASE ASAP! Thank you !
I wanted to let you know as a 10 year veteran of the business that over the years your level of caring , honest caring about the safety, prosperity and well being of providers has been outstanding. The sex industry as you well know typically exploits women who are vunerable either by financial need or addiction for the satiation of their own greed and it has been a comfort all these years to have you out there. I do hope your message and the tv coverage of this Craigslist killer is a wake up call to women who see only $ without placing their common sense and safety first. I think Craigslist as a whole is unsafe and prefer to use sites such as yours that offer a network of reference and support. Unfortunately in this economy I’m afraid there are other girls who will end up suffering the same fates as those poor ladies in New England because they place rent before safety.
I just started the first Tantra sponsored review and posting board for Tantra practioners, sex workers, yoga instructors, Shaman facilatators, massage thearpists …etc… and would be grateful for your help in promoting the forum in your postings or by just signing up and posting some information and a link to your services….. I have staying with you and recomended your webste services to many and will continue to do so as I see your awesome advice and continued efforts to make this service safe for men and woman….. Tantra’s beleif in sex and spirit is at least a beginning to protecting our sexual freedoms under the freedom of religious practice ammendment and I have pledged to defend anyone in a court of law who posts there services on my board….
(They just did a craigs list massive sting here in Wayne County> Detroit) a discusting use of taxpayers money… I myself had the neighbors sic the law on me and along with inflitrating my Goddess Temple Arts group they did and watching the comings and goings from my home…they also did survalyance by HELECOPTER ……. and they DID not find anything they could use to arrest me AGAIN…So that in itself testifies to the power of the Goddess!!! … I have said in the past that if they want you THEY WILL GET YOU….but I WAS WRONG..and am thrilled that they closed the investigation bassed on there findings on the relegious beleifs of the sacredness of the sexual experience…
Please go join our forum http://exoticu.com
I saw what happened on the news earlier and i’ll tell u that freaked me out I always had the concern in the back of my mind but now its the first thing il think of when booking an appt. I have lost clients because they dont want to give ref. Or they dont want to ans questions i am glad i dont budge on that rather loose the money then god forbid have something like that happen to me. Thanks for your tips and help
This was the email that started it all… without someone alerting me, I would not have known that something happened… So please, always alert me, in my ivory tower without newspaper and television, I don’t know that I should pay attention:
Hello Sophie,
I have been a a reader of yours for years, I implore you to please talk more about safety
I am quite sure you heard about the te two women that were attacked in Boston.One lady got away but the other did not and she was killed.
Please stress about screening even taking someone with them to wait in the lobby but the must some how they need to invest in their safety,
If the need to get a bigger room and have someone in there ready to pounce. Maybe the could order room service. Something need to be done please Sophie you are the voice of reason thank you.
Thank you
Angelique
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